raining

Seeing light for the first time. A life, somewhere out there at odds with life somewhere in here , in-between ligaments, the real parts of  muscles and meat. Instincts gilded in emotion. I cannot stand the rain because it reminds of all storms , the possibility of being swept away, eroded. I remember all the times my blood stood still and limbs went white at the notice of a red blooded animal called fear and I couldn’t move. It hurt , that I couldnt be myself. That my body and my mind and my heart was so far away. That I was held captive by the future, and ransom by the past always. Saving my heart, preserving my life for a later date. It was all here , all at once, all the time. I just couldn’t see through the rain.